Another year... With the end of 2010 and the advent of 2011, our voyage continues into the depths of our lives, with ups and downs, not to mention though. New year is meant to bring joy and happiness, wipe the sorrows, forget the past misfortunes, anticipate the best to strike upon, ain't it? I have a weird feeling that the beginning of the year has not been fair to me, or has it been? I have been on call since 31 st night, 4 days for now. Night on calls are the times which could pose new challenges, present more problems ( most like jigsaw puzzles, trying to make sense out of it:( ).
Often in the wards, I hear the conversation.
"Don't get startled, my hands might be freezing, love".
"No worries, flower. Doctors have cold hands and warm hearts".
Are we really warmhearted? May be. We might not have given a thought.
I seldom connect emotionally with my patients nowadays ( sometimes could make things worse). Not long back, when I was a medical student, I used to feel all the patient like my near and dear ones. Glad to see smile on their faces when they get discharged, well & fit. Glad to have chosen a profession where I could, in my own way, help people reduce atleast a wee bit of their pain and sufferings, bring some peace. But, sometimes, when things are not in order, it feels really miserable. I recall, memories still fresh & raw, when I had cried the whole day for a 6 month old baby (whom i liked the most) who died. If I, who had seen him for a couple of weeks, would feel that way, I could hardly imagine how his mother would have felt. How I wish I could do something. But, everything is not in our hands, are they? When the nice, little lady down the ward, not managing to take even a lungful of air, asks me, "Will I be ok, love?" I try hard to resist tears rolling down my cheeks. It is such a difficult task to intelligently phrase the answer, neither giving false hopes, nor stealing away the little flicker of hope she would have.
These four days have been really awful, I have seen death more close enough than ever before, seen best of my patients in the last moments of their lives, patients being normal all the time and suddenly deteriorated and died before my eyes. These four days have made me soft at heart and stronger in mind, thought me perseverance. Life is more complicated than we expect it to be and short as well. And it is important to make the most of it. There is a nice saying.
"Life is the lust of a lamp for the light that is dark till the dawn of the day when we die" - A C Swineburne.
We often don't realise what we are blessed with, yearn for what is not ours. Eventhough we all know, at the bottom of our hearts that giving is better than taking, we don't act frequently upon.
ಗೋಪಾಲಕೃಷ್ಣ ಅಡಿಗರ ಕವಿತೆ ನೆನಪಾಗುತ್ತೆ,
"ಸಪ್ತಸಾಗರದಾಚೆಯೆಲ್ಲೋ ಸುಪ್ತಸಾಗರ ಕಾದಿದೆ,
ಮೊಳೆಯದರೆಗಳ ಮೂಕಮರ್ಮರ ಇಂದು ಇಲ್ಲಿಗೂ ಹಾಯಿತೇ?
ವಿವಶವಾಯಿತು ಪ್ರಾಣ, ಹಾ! ಪರವಶವು ನಿನ್ನಿ ಚೇತನ,
ಇರುವುದೆಲ್ಲವ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಇರದುದರೆಡೆಗೆ ತುಡಿವುದೆ ಜೀವನ.."
Atleast this year, let us make a resolution to help someone, light smile on a face, bring peace in their chaotic life, brighten a life, give a hope to live. That is what matters in the end.
"Wish happy and a prosperous new year to one and all"
"ಹೊಸ ವರ್ಷದ ಹೊಸ್ತಿಲಲ್ಲಿ, ಹೊಸ ಕನಸುಗಳ ಜೋಕಾಲಿ,
ಹಳೆ ಬೇರುಗಳ ಬಲದಲಿ, ಹೊಸ ಚಿಗುರು ಚಿಗುರಲಿ,
ನವ ವಸಂತದ ಆಗಮನಕೆ ಮರಿಕೋಗಿಲೆಗಳ ಚಿಲಿಪಿಲಿ,
ಕಹಿ ನೆನಪುಗಳು ಕರಗಲಿ, ಹೊಸ ಹುರುಪು ಹೊಮ್ಮಲಿ,
ಹಸಿರು ತೋರಣ ಬಾಗಿಲಲಿ ತೂಗಲಿ, ಎಲ್ಲೆಲ್ಲೂ ಸಂತಸದ ಅಲೆಗಳು ತೇಲಲಿ,
ಹೊಸ ವರುಷವು, ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗೂ ಹರುಷವ ತರಲಿ."
"ಹೊಸ ವರ್ಷದ ಹಾರ್ದಿಕ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು"