Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Cut it out!!

Day by day, stress is building up! New job, new place, new faces( hardest part of all is to remember all my patients faces, cuz they look alike)new expectations, new competitions, after a break of almost 7 months. Though, I had to clear my exams and wait for registration and the job, I can frankly say it was more than a short break. Relaxed a bit more, I guess. Completing a part of my exams during my internship didn't add any big advantage than a shorter break. People usually take more than a year when they transit from India to UK as doctors. In that way I was quite lucky. My stay in UK for 7 months didn't fill me in with confidence which the job as such has done.

Initial periods, I sailed through smoothly as not much was expected from me. Its time I regain my form and get accustomed at the earliest. Meanwhile, the problem with me is technology. I think I am insidiously getting addicted to techie. I have account in around 15 websites, doesn't mean I visit all regularly, doesn't mean all are not needed. About half of them are absolutely necessary, rest half, nevertheless needed, must be used in discretion. This is where I am crossing the line. There are these social network sites and the blogs, which I log into almost daily. I know, its just a sheer waste of time, but I was bit more addicted during the break and its taking its toll now. That was the reason I said I won't take the brand new laptop which kiran had presented me with, cuz its hard to take eyes off the laptop. Eventually I had to(too good an offer to resist).

Started, just to know what others are upto when I flew far away from them, now its gone upto viewing the (stupid) videos, scrolling the photos of others, commenting and chasing the statuses and updates, with no end, nothing much constructive. With working for 5 days continuously, scattered on calls and 16 hrs of weekend travels, life s getting busier and busier. There are new targets set, new things to learn, new system to adjust, new goals to acheive. I am really short of time. I have made resolution that I won't be logging onto these sites, checking on friends/others updates. Exceptions being occasionally like once a month or so. The others are living their life and me my own. It is this which matters at the end. So 'no' to frequent visit to social network sites and blogs. I ll just check them once a while. And now, I ll be signing off the blog...

Monday, 22 November 2010

A letter from knowingly unknown

I am heading back, reluctantly (for a short while though). I feel an eerie strangeness about all this. So near yet so far. Just a week or two back I was with you in our small nest, living our life together. But, now I am miles away alone and succumb to the weather I always dreaded (Don’t worry; I have all the precautions taken).

I fully am aware of the day when we had to make another tough decision in our life. Like it or not, ought to make it. You always stood beside my decision, supported me going out of your way. I can never forget that. But, now I reckon is it worth all the sacrifices, all the stresses that we had to go through and still are going through? I don’t think I know the answer yet. Life is taking us in its own course, we have to prioritize our needs and put an end to this before its too late (hope we do).

I wonder how fast the time slips by. Three years… Three long years have passed in such a short while, like a blink. The same three years back, when I met a complete stranger little did I know that I would be blessed with so much love and happiness. How could I? The warmth of your heart, the dearth of your presence lingers around me like in absolution. I am nostalgic about the precious moments we shared, the days we laughed together, days we wept together, little fights we fought, small differences we had, dreams we dreamt together, fantasies we lived together. They are just not memories to remember or to forget, I feel they are intricately embedded in our day to day life.

But, life isn’t so easy. Most of us learn it the hard way. Another day, I am not with you when I am supposed to be. Today is just not another day; it’s the reflection of 365 days of the past year. Although I am not with you in person, I always will be with you mentally, emotionally and psychologically (medicine effect) in the joys and sorrows, with the dawn and dusk, with every twist and turn, life takes us through (for all that I know journey is not smooth enough), until death do us apart.

Sometimes I feel scared to dream big, what if it shatters into pieces in front of my own eyes? Do I have the strength to withstand it? Nevertheless I don’t stop dreaming, do I? We often see couples madly in love before marriage, wanting to do anything and everything for their love and loved ones. What happens to their pledges once they get married? Glad we are not one among them. The main focus of issue is that they take their loved ones for granted after marriage. A relationship rests on the pillars of love, care, trust and respect- mutually given and taken. It’s the intimacy, the little things which brings contentment that matters. It’s the small curve on the face of wife when she sees her husband after an arduous day’s end, the bliss and the glint of appreciation in the eyes of hubby for even a small thing that his wife has put the efforts to do. Everyone knows that whatever it takes, life goes on with or without love, and often they don’t realize is love that makes life beautiful.

Before long, I just want to say the words which I don’t say often than I ought to. And you know those words. I am grateful to god for bestowing me with you. May be there are days when I have hurt you, I didn’t mean to, I will try not to. I know you wouldn’t have these in your mind, but it’s on my part to apologize for all that. I am really sorry for everything. I will try to be better than what I am and what you expect me to be.

Yours always,
P.S: A bit censored though.